We all have relationships in our lives. The relations with family, friends, and people around form an important part of life. They sometimes nurture us into who we become later. Whether it is a socially acceptable person or not, the relationships play important role in defining that person. So what should be relationship goals for you?
There are many reasons why relationships fail. Whether they are with our family or with our significant other, the relations weaken when fed with expectations. In order to understand how to make them work, we have to understand why and how they exist.
The relationships don’t exist to make us happy. They aren’t regular day tools to assist us in passing our day. They don’t exist to satisfy our needs like normal life tools. They aren’t certainly there to help us escape our loneliness. It may come off as surprise for those who wish to get in relationship to end the loner feelings. This may be point of disagreement for some. However, it is in no way any kind of false statement. The feelings of loneliness are abolished when we work on ourselves. When we look towards others for solutions to our problems, we will be terribly disappointed.
They are not just programmed phenomenon in humans to ensure our survival of species. The relationships aren’t there to help us relax. Although by proper attitude, we can make them relaxing. And most important of all, relationships are certainly not there to be exploited. You don’t exert power or control over those who are in relation with you. Be they family, friends or significant others. When it comes to children, some may disagree. However, we don’t control our children. We teach them to approach the world with new sense of wisdom.
So what exactly are these relationships? Why do they exist in first place?
I was once reading a book about same topic. It was a best selling book in New York. Its name was, “Finding soul mate love and making it last.” In it a few statements just caught my eyes. They were so beautifully written.
While I don’t remember the exact statements, the lesson of those statements is deeply engraved within me. I found it immensely profound. Not only in case of lovers, but also in every relation they are applicable.
The lines stated that we are there in each other’s lives for a reason. Nothing is coincidence. We are there to assist each other to spiritually ascend. It may come off as odd for people who don’t believe in spirituality. However, think like this. We do make impact on our surroundings. We make impact on people around us, whether friends or family. Therefore, we serve to produce a shift in consciousness of others and ourselves. Our main purpose should be to make this shift profound as possible. We are here to see the different face of God in other people’s form.
This may seem like an impossible feat for those who don’t believe in God. For those people, remember human life is sacred. The human lives purpose is to evolve beyond our current state of existence. So the purpose of relationships is to ascend us into higher state of consciousness.
All of the above information seems like too much spirituality. It is not known whether it is applicable for real life or not. Therefore, by my studies, I found relationships should have following characteristics to rightfully play their purpose. Following tips will help you formulate best relationship goals.
The relationship must feel right. This especially happens when the both sides are empathic to each other. The biggest enemy of being right is wrong self righteousness.
When we feel the need to defend our views too much, we want to be right at all costs. We don’t want to hear the other person’s side of story. What we want is some form of control.
This damages relationships. The opposite of anger is empathy. It is not calmness. When we are empathic, we see world through other person’s eyes. When this happens, the divine connection occurs. We evolve ourselves as human beings. We evolve others by this self forming habit.
2. Nobody is in control:
Often partners feel secure about their significant others. However, this turns wrong when one person feels like being in control. By default, we see women controlling the house while men controlling the outside jobs. Yet it is the wrong use of word control. The women and men are both alike. Both have responsibilities which may switch from traditional norms.
What matters is that both are free to be themselves. No one person is in control. Both have freedom to express themselves. No one person has control over the household or over the other. This may be said otherwise when a person has developed potentially harming behavior like drug usage. However, normally, the more freedom a relationship offers in any form, the better strength it carries.
3. Absolute perfection:
The need to be perfect is absolutely damaging. Deep inside, we know we are meant to evolve constantly. We are meant to learn. And best way to learn is to make mistakes. By abnormally high standards on self, we cannot perform as best as we think we can. What is worse is that people sometimes search for perfection in relations. This can never be satisfied. No relation is perfect. No relation is flawed either. This can be stated otherwise for toxic relations.
What matters is that instead of trying to find ourselves as guilty of being not with family 24/7 or with our significant other for not giving their all, we see what we can do to make it better. The perfection ideals kill a perfect relationship.
Nobody is inferior or superior in a healthy and beautiful relationship. Whether it is a mother child relationship, or a husband wife relationship, if anyone is superior to other, this means harm to relation. While some may argue in case of parent child relation, remember that we are supposed to make our child better than live in our shadow. In case of husband wife relationship, this is even more concerning. Where superiority exists, one tries to escape the shadow of other. One must strive to create conditions which allow for other to fully develop their own being.